So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
