i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
