I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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