I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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