I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
