I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
