So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Randomize
