Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
