is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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