god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
