there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
