just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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