I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
