There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
