I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
