My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
sex in a hospital.. check
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
