Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
