i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
