I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
