I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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