Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
