I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
operation harelip BJ is a go
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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