Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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