it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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