Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
only if we run a train.
done.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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