Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
