If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
