he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
