R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
