i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
