the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Randomize
