What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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