Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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