If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
