she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
