You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
