dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
