Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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