after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
