the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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