I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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