Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
