i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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