I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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