why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
