I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
