i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
