thus making me awesome and them whores
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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