i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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