like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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