Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
