He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
